The worst part about being lazy is that it requires far too much work.
The Palisades - Emerson, Sill, Polemonium, North Palisade, and Starlight
Well, a few of the Palisades anyways.
Photo of the Palisades taken during an April 2014 climb of Thunderbolt
Mt. Emerson (8/25/2015)
Southeast Face aka The Waterfall Route
~6.5 miles/4K ft/5 hrs. Class 5.4
Beta: Mountainproject.
Sill to Starlight
Swiss Arete to the Palisades Traverse (short version)
~23 miles/7.8K ft/22 hrs. Class 5.7
Gear: Single rack cams 0.2-2, nuts, 60 m skinny.
Beta: Fossana's and Cory's posts on MP
Out we stride, step after step in drunken gait, with a trail dimly outlined in mute gray tones by dying headlamps. An inky river of gothic lake reflections flows to the right and a boulder-strewn slope rises above us on left. Stars coyly dart through the canopy of pines and hooded eyelids. The waxing moon has yet to rise above an ethereal ridge ahead, which we know will herald a final push to the trailhead and a warm sleeping bag. There's little to entertain a weary mind, minus childish humor and omnipresent desires to curl up for a minute or two on a loamy bed of needles, enduring the odd juxtaposition of simultaneous sweating and shivering on a crisp and clear eve.
But on we go. This is the Sierra after all. Climbing legends have made their mark on these peaks, not from following the route description but from creating it. We're amateurs in this realm, as observed by the mere inclusion of a rope and rack in our gear.
As alluded to earlier, Abe is one lazy man. A gent of his vintage should know that us younger men are entirely self-absorbed with our own dilemmas. Simple tasks, such as reserving a permit, are reserved for those of a matured mind. The lethargic sleep demon battle could have been avoided. But forgive him. He's formerly young.
The routine is the same and it involves a damned Hyundai Potato. One could do better trading it for an Amish horse-drawn carriage, assuming the Amish don't run you down with a pitchfork for trading an inferior piece of junk.
Fly into Vegas, grab a rental, and drive west. Eventually, find a clear spot to park, sweep away the needles, burnt spoons, white dust, and stripper cards, and catch a few hours of sleep.
After arriving in Bishop Saturday morning, the ranger rudely informs us no permits are available for Sam Mack Meadows and the North Fork of Big Pine, frequently clarifying his ministrations to the line behind us in a condescending tone, a red vein bulging out of his shiny authoritative pate.
We'll daytrip it. No worries. A quick stop in Eric Schat's German Bakery to plan the day and... The heck?
(Prominent signs say no pictures. But I don't speak German)
The bakery is astounding. Flaky pies, meat pies, fruit pies, pizza pies, and cakes, teacakes, cream cakes, chocolate cakes, and other cake-like things. There are sandwiches and torts, delicate croissants, cheese and drinks and cookies and loaves. For a starving sort, it glows as heaven and we purchase an armful each, fighting the increasing hordes filling the joint.
Should've let them win. I've eaten some questionable, unpronounceable food in Latin American dives before, but every item purchased here is, to put it nicely, left unfinished. Quite possibly the second most disappointing moment of my life, right behind the one time my date wouldn't dance with me at Homecoming because I was too short. Cue violins.
Mt. Emerson is nearby and has a high quality scramble route, much to Abe's dismay as he wants to hang out eating watermelon all day. West on 168 from Bishop, follow the signs to the North Lake trailhead. Admire the climbing terrain in route. Park a half mile away from the actual trailhead and walk through the campgrounds with a convenient water spigot near the start. Up the trail towards Piute Pass and branch off cross country after a couple miles once under the face. Try not to annoy any Californians on the way by calling "4th class" 5.4 - touchy bunch. A fantastic alpine start of 10AM.
The start is a sinuous crevice on right. A rather cool feature.
Say hello to the lost dog at the base. Abe had a chance to rescue him but didn't. Emerson is now mountain lion food.
Wait around for your turn (popular route) and start on up. The first 60 ft pitch is the 5.4 crux and it is sustained for 5.4, if such a thing exists outside the Bugaboos. Good and thoughtful fun. Scramble on up class 2-5.easy after and stay left at the only real gully split. Choose your own adventure.
Looking down the route.
Abe's first experience with a hand crack
Eventually, gain the ridge and turn left, bypassing the first major point on the right. Stay proper after.
Cruise on up. Nice and exposed, probably 3rd class minimum.
Gentlemen: Wear a cup (see introduction photo).
Looking down the ridge
A peculiarity of the Sierra is that from up high and in the dry, the range isn't all that good looking. Drab and gray. Lots of talus. From down low, the views are far more impressive and variegated. The registers, however, are interesting.
To descend, continue past the summit and drop a gully to the left. The easiest gullies are farther along the ridge and require a bit of left-side bypassing, though any of the gullies will do. Scree and boulder boot ski. The best kind of skiing!
Descent gullies above Abe's head.
On down to the trail and Abe runs to retrieve the car, imagining good-looking horse women giving him a lift (or perhaps just the one we passed near the lake). Runners can be useful sometimes.
Another look with the sinuous Waterfall route splitting the sunny face on right (not the gully)
Glaciers were here:
We hit the road south to Big Pine and turn right on W Crocker/Glacier Lodge Road. The campgrounds are packed so we dirtbag in the overnight lot, divvying gear and considering ounces. A guide comes down, obvious by the lean grizzled look, and reaffirms our beta that axe and pons aren't needed. He also recommends a "light rack" and proceeds to list a larger rack, singles from green alien to #3, than I brought. Well that's comforting.
2:00 AM comes entirely too early. So we sleep until 2:30. Unlike last time, we see the trail leaving directly from the overnight lot and merging with the main trail at a junction higher up with nary a switchback. No messin' around. I like it.
It's a long way in but the trail goes quickly. The best kind of trail; relatively smooth and low angle. Up to Sam Mack, then up the gully back left, then follow the cairns left into a side drainage and begin the endless talus hop up to the moraine and left of the tarn, aiming for Glacier Notch left of the glacier. Crampons aren't required but they might be useful, especially if going to the right of the tarn and approaching via the glacier.
A party of two knocks rocks down the Notch so we wait 'em out and catch up, 3rd class. A nice pair, actors from LA. I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is for asking "are you famous," but we couldn't figure it out. They might be in a television show or movie or two.
They tell us they're fast and efficient climbers, but we're a bit faster on the approach, so we move ahead. Up the bootsteps in the low angle L-Couloir and scramble left before the ridge steepens. The slabs go at 4th but the route finding can be tricky in a spot or two to the base of the Swiss Arete technical pitches. A fantastic warm up for the day.
This way doesn't go easily.
This way does.
Scouting it out. Or sneezing.
Sling a horn and access the first pitch on left. What a dream. Not often do you get steep 5.5-5.6 handcracks devoid of ankle breakers and choss. This makes me happy. I run it out and combine the first two pitches, saving a #2 for the crux move next to an overhang at the top of the second pitch. Sling a chock for an anchor. Unfortunately, combining the first two pitches steals Abe's pitch from him. Luckily, he doesn't realize it.
"Alpine rack" is a tricky term. An ambiguous term. For some, it means a rope and tennies. For others, it's a few cams. At worst, it's a single rack. But in general, it means plan ahead. Look up and gauge what's needed, back clean, run it out, shorten pitches, or walk pieces as necessary or comfortable. Our timing is pretty good. No sooner does the second leave the belay than the movie star leader reaches it. Surprised they didn't know Hollywood Abe.
We re-flake and I turn the corner right, following an obvious ledge to a steep dihedral and crack system. The first moves vary between green to red cams with good face features. Walk a green cam up to protect a loose jug and pull through to bomber hand jams. The angle eases, making for an awkward move before a fixed piece, and gives way to a ledge. Turn the corner again around right and belay at a crack with an old piton (0.2,0.3, and 1 used in the cracks right of the piton, which I left open for the next group). The 30 ft of the final 5.6 finger crack pitch is immediately in front of you.
The 5.7+ corner is one of the best alpine pitches at the grade I've done. Solid enough and great pro. It doesn't have the views and unique rock of Ellingwood Arete, but the moves are quite a bit more enjoyable and sustained. It almost makes us forget the talus hop approach.
Abe comes up and takes the rack, cruising on up with a TCU 0 (haha) and 0.5-0.75 for pro, sidepulls and jugs, slinging a horn for an anchor. We scramble the remaining ridge, which goes at thoughtful 4th class with an interesting traverse to a chimney move in there. Some may want to protect the final headwall and there are a few fixed pieces, though not on the easiest route.
On top at 11:00. A cozy 8 hrs for the first peak. We've a long way to go though.
The ridge from Sill to Polemonium goes at 2nd to 4th class. Minor route-finding on or just south of the ridge crest, past the cairn signaling the standard descent of Sill. Couple bivy spots up here too. Enjoy the relative pace, as it knocks out ½ the traverse in ¼ of the total time.
Eventually, reach the false summit of Polemonium with a notch separating you from the true summit. A ledge raps around the south side of the false summit at highly exposed 4th, but it can be difficult to see going this direction. A theme of the day - I think the route-finding for the entire traverse is easier going the other direction. That's alright; there's a rap station up top so throw and go, maybe 40 ft?
The bypass
Once in the notch, climb the headwall and au cheval to the top of Polemonium. Still 4th, perhaps exposed.
The introduction is over. Welcome to the jungle. Watch out for rap stations as you please.
Three raps off Pol on the left side of the ridge with a short down scramble before the third, which drops to the saddle. Max around 6 ft, mind the pull. Apparently it is downclimbable anywhere from 4th to 5.6 reported, if you have the time.
The North Palisade headwall looks tricky. And it is. The trick is to drop left and climb up a left/S side weakness. Chimney and mantle, maybe 5.4-5.5. Need I even say exposed?
Gain a bench near a rap station and turn right to climb N Pal from a gully on the SE side. The summit of North Palisade offers some minor route-finding and fun caving or offwidth mere feet from the top. Burn some time; you've got all day. Hoots and hollers from the party on Starlight not too far off.
Cold cold wind. We could do without that. Divert attention to the moves.
And now the introductory prelude is over. From the summit, we found a station and rapped down a chimney and onto a ledge on the left/W side, maybe 90 ft. Might be around 5.6 to downclimb. The small ledge leads to slabs and the ridgecrest. Follow the ridge to the next rap anchor and surprise yourself when said anchor is across a rather large gap. The route-finding and attention requirements on this route are a bit numbing.
Going the other way, most rap the gap and pendulum across. A guide told us we could do the same here. Sounds fun, but not a clue where that anchor is though. We work our way down the gap, turn around, and slide down a chimney, back to hands. Abe's never been canyoneering. Hilarity ensues. We turn right and exit the chimney on the NE side, curl around and do a short handline-ish rap down a lieback corner to the bottom of the gap. Apparently, one could regain the rap station with "easy climbing" somewhere around here. Huh. Perhaps shooting through the saddle to the sunny side? All I see is a slightly overhanging off width and my valuables aren't large enough to protect that. There's also a slanted friction ledge on the right side, none too inviting.
We've an idea though, perpetuated by a handy rap station. Down the choss gully near the head of the U-notch, a full 100 ft. Pull the rope and dodge the miniature rock babies whining after it. Crisis averted.
Curl around the NE side on scree slopes until re-gaining 50 ft to the saddle atop the U-notch at the base of Starlight. A fall would be bad, though bail station line the sides of the rockfall-strewn U-notch couloir. I'd rather bivy a long cold night, or trade my 4runner for a Hyundai, than have to drop that out of season.
Starlight on ahead. I think we've figured the route-finding here out. Up the ridge and curl around left/W to gain the summit ridge via a W side gully. Rated 5.6, but perhaps just a move? Felt closer to 5.4. Chimney through the summit ridge to the infamous milk bottle summit atop Starlight.
The Milk Bottle is 5.4. An awkward move to gain the slab, a couple friction moves, side pull left, reach up for the summit jugs. Work the feet; they're surprisingly good. The summit bolt and slings are set for the other side, 5.7, but Abe favors, and is quite good at, friction climbing. I tighten the bolt with fingers (solid?), sling the summit and Abe cruises on up. Due to the location of the bolt, Abe anchors, pulls the rope a bit, and raps the steep side. The summit is a narrow and unique feature and it would've been prudent to grab better pictures. But it was cold and we were tired.
Abe up top. Route comes in from left
Windy and cold and tensions are high. On we go. The sun is rapidly dropping. Where'd our time go?
Most reports hardly describe the Starlight to Thunderbolt section, dismissing it as a scramble. On two trips, this section has proved more than just a scramble. We must be missing a left turn on Main somewhere.
On down the ridge at 4th class until a slung horn.
The feasible route seems to follow a chimney down left, around low 5th. We back up the sling and rap it, dropping to a ledge 70 ft below.
I believe we're on route. I see footsteps on a ledge on the face to our left/S. Problem is, the move getting there is Type 2 fun. Luckily, Abe is pretty good at interesting moves, so he goes an entirely different way - around right back to the ridge. Great!
Until I see the move he made. Downclimb and stem with a narrow horizontal finger crack for holds. I hate stemming. Block it out and make the move. Work the feet until the stem isn't too bad. Ignore thoughts of perishing with a rope and rack still in the backpack. That makes for great armchair analysis.
Back to the ridge, and then a sigh of relief. But we aren't done yet. Downclimb a bit and a tower's up a head. We drop slightly left and work along the left face of the tower, low 5th. Up and just right of the tower is the better route, but I backed off on the recon due to loose rock and improbable terrain ahead. Turns out, the improbable terrain on the ridge is the way to go after all. Just goes to show one should always push the improbable. Makes for an interesting time, if nothing else.
This takes us to a block, which I had turned around at coming the other direction on our previous trip. How good that feels! A weight off the mind. All is familiar again. Maintaining constant focus for hours is wearisome.
Still, a couple delicate downclimb moves (like old friends, really) and then basic 3rd and 4th, skirting left/W whenever the difficulty below appears too difficult. Finally, at a ripe hour of 6PM, we reach the top of Underhill Couloir. We briefly considered repeating the route up Thunderbolt, tagging the summit and figuring out the N gully descent, but the unknown isn't as tempting as it was at the start of the day.
Underhill is a bit of a loose nightmare. My beta source said, "downclimb the left side as you can stem over the loose stuff  ," complete with smiley face. How could one resist such a smile-inducing route?
An initial rap takes us past some interesting car-sized Lucy's. Unfortunately, the pull snags and I have to stem up and free them anyways. Down down down, make sure not to blow it. Loose and sketchy. What happened to that warm and cozy feeling not just a half hour earlier?
Progress is slow, but manageable. Near the bottom, we traverse far left/N and skirt the edge of the glacier. Might've been easier to just go straight down. Not too sure.
Starlight center, Underhill right center, and Thunderbolt far right.
Back in the safety zone. Not much can go wrong now, though the lengthy talus hop ahead and miles of trail provide a grim welcoming party. Still, we have our summits and we can sleep if we need to, so who's complaining? Well, besides us, frequently.
Hop hop curse. There's the new motto. Out along the moraine and pick up the cairns in the side drainage. Admire Agassiz looming off to the side. We just hit the cairns when headlamps are needed. Quite ideal, as we don't want to suffer the steep bushwack directly down to Third Lake.
Sam Mack comes and so do the shivers. One step in front of the other; see the preamble. Funny how it works though, for as tired and capable of sleeping as we feel on the trail, sleep cannot overcome soreness at 11:30 PM curled up in a sleeping bag.
But I guess the appeal of mountaineering is that it seeks a delicate balance between the extremes. Minus the delicate part. We bumble through, withholding grace. The Bergerons of the Mountains.
And on to my favorite part, and what has become tradition more so than the climbs. Deprive and brutalize oneself three days running and attempt to recover all in the space of an unlimited Deli salad bar. Plus ice cream.
"Glad to be done with those. Not sure I'll ever return."
-Oft repeated little white lie.
Report dedicated to Emerson. RIP mountain lion food. May you digest well.
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