Rest in Peace, Terry Mathews

[seano732]

This is just unbelievably sad.... While I never met the man in person, I exchanged numerous PMs with him after I joined this site, including a hilarious exchange regarding the dangers of autocorrects and the internets...I remember thinking quite recently to myself "whatever happened to tmathews????" I had no idea of his struggles, and am truly heartbroken for his family and friends. May he finally find RIP. Peace.

[moff]

My thoughts are the same Seano732. Although i never met him in person either, i'll miss him, and i'll miss all his valuable feedback.

[geoffirons]

I am so sorry to learn of this very sad news. My connection with Terry was a bit different than most have posted, and since Susan asked for memories I thought I should share as well.

I first met Terry several years ago when he attended my class "How to Climb a 14er". He was a quite overweight young man, but was very interested in the subject. After that he would always look for me when he was in the store, asking about gear and peaks, and telling me of his most recent successes. It was amazing to see his transformation over the years. He became exceptionally fit, and totally devoted to his climbing. And his successes were tremendous: the Four Great Traverses, completing all the 14ers, winter ascents, guiding/mentoring many new climbers, etc. I also followed his many posts and trip reports in between our face-to-face chats.

I had not seen or read anything about Terry for quite a while, when he showed up in the store recently. Of course I asked how he had been, and I was very surprised by his candor and openess in revealing some personal issues. We had another good chat however, and I had no idea that his troubles were so serious. I have lost two good friends and a relative to suicide, so I know how difficult this is for Terry's family and friends. I extend my sincere condolences to all impacted by this loss, and to Terry everlasting peace.

Geoff

[anasarca76]

This is tragic news to say the least... I only met Terry at one happy hour but I was very familiar with his involvement with this group and his enthusiasm for the mountains was clearly apparent. He was a great part of this community and will certainly be missed. Rest in peace Terry

[gurlyclimber]

Nooooo. Rest in peace Terry.

[dcbates80911]

When I heard the news, my feelings were and still are mixed. I am sad Terry is gone, angry at how he passed, grateful that I shared some time with him, and sorry I couldn’t do more to help. I don’t know the exact details about his struggles, but I have a very strong suspicion from clues he gave me, observations, in his letter to Steve a few weeks ago, and my own personal experience.

I first met Terry in 2008 at one of the early Colorado Springs Happy Hours. We regularly arrived early and talked. Through 2009, we traded PMs on plans, but never got together. However, we met in passing regularly on mountains. In 2010, I dropped away from climbing for some time, but kept observing the forum. Terry was quick to answer questions, many times the first. He didn’t do it with a condescending attitude, but instead a helpful one.

I managed to get out for the 2010 Spring and Fall gatherings where we had quick chats. After Kevin’s death in June 2010, Terry PM’d me quite a bit. I knew he was having a particularly hard time with Kevin’s passing, but didn’t understand why. He admitted to me he didn’t know Kevin. I provided a picture or two for his blog and felt he was dealing with the loss in his own way. At the Fall Gathering, I remember him driving into camp with a giant smile on his face. On Saturday, as my group started Wetterhorn’s final pitch, I heard a familiar “Hi Dave” from behind me where Terry was perched on the rock formation above the notch.

A month later, I had my first opportunity to hike with him. The three of us (included Eatinhardtack) attempted Tabeguache from Jennings Creek. Zach and I gave in after summiting a 13K point and noticing Tab way in the distance. This didn’t stop Terry. He took off and was back fairly quick. After this trip, we became Facebook friends where I noticed some disturbing activities. These same activities I was all too familiar with myself. Within a year, we fell apart, but kept cordial. The last time I talked to him was at a Happy Hour he organized in early 2012. Later, I heard his struggles were peaking and I had hoped he was getting the needed help. Sadly, it turns out he didn’t.

Terry was a kind person who wanted to help people. Also, he was a person who wanted people to like him. We all have demons. I truly don’t know all the details of his because they are from hearsay and observation. In truth, we can never know what was going on with someone unless we were in their shoes. Suicide is not a new experience for me. I had one good friend, a family member, and multiple acquaintances take their lives. The only person who can answer “why” is gone.

Let us remember Terry for the contributions he made to this community. Many, many people can thank Terry for a lesson, a partner, a ride, advise, and/or shared gear. Moreover, a lot of people are lucky to have shared in his friendship. RIP my friend, I hope you have finally found it.

Terry on our Tab Trip


The group at Levick during the 2010 Spring Gathering

[uwe]

While I did not know Terry, as many have said already, I have come to learn a bit about him from all of these kind notes and remembrances.
You all, the 14er.com community are incredible folk. Your kindness and thoughtfulness knows no bounds.

Terry, rest in peace.

Hope Terry's family and friends find comfort in the support this climbing community gives to its fallen.

[stonebaez]

Terry, you will indeed be missed.


October 29, 2011, Quandary, "Winter Welcomer." Terry was truly the life of the party: intelligent, creative, humorous. He will long be missed.

Thanks for posting this one. I exchanged pleasantries with Terry on the descent from Quandary and this is how I remember him.

[scottfarish]

I only remember Terry from our summit on Wetterhorn at the 2010 Fall Gathering. By all observations (as you can see him clowning around in the summit picture), he was a jovial guy who just wanted to be around other people with the same passion for climbing. I'm sorry that someone who appeared so happy on the outside had so much pain on the inside. I hope and pray that Terry is in a place with no more pain and suffering now.

[SpringsHiker]

Very sad news. As you said, I hope he is now at peace.

I believe my only experience with Terry was at the 2012 Spring Gathering, which he did an exceptional job of organizing. I distinctly remember how happy/proud he was at that event to see how many people in this community turned out to share in our love for the mountains and each other.

Condolences to those in our community who knew him better than I.

Be at Peace Terry

As with Lemmiwinks, my primary personal experience with Terry was at the same Spring Gathering in 2012 (I think I met Terry previously at a COS HH). I arrived very early for that event and had a long conversation with Terry and enjoyed his company immensely. He did such a great job organizing that event.

I was aware of his personal trials but so hopeful that he would find a way back to a positive state and am as saddened and shocked as everyone else.

My condolences to Terry's family and close friends.

This has been a very sad year for this community.

[Kiefer]

Terry was an extremely good guy; someone that I would call a true friend for all the right reasons. Terry and I were climbing/hiking buddies initially, as most of these things usually start out but progressed rapidly past the Rubicon of friendship and like Steve, we’d call each other just to shoot the sh*t.
As a few here have already stated in as many words, Terry was troubled. For those who aren’t in the know, Terry has had a very difficult life of which depression was only one of those demons. Without going into too many specifics, Terry’s life before Rob Jensen died was already hell. As most of us know, Terry posted here to the forums regularly, almost to the point where it was funny. Fact, he posted so much, I’m surprised he never replied to his own posts! But he did this because the people here on this site, the folks he crossed paths with were, quite literally, his family.

Fact of life, people don’t handle death in the same manner. We all have our own coping mechanisms; some are better at it than others and thus, judgment in this has no place. When Rob Jensen died on Snowmass, it hit Terry hard…very hard. Terry’s coping skills in regards to having a close friend die I believe weren’t as developed as some. When you play this game (to borrow from Joe Simpson), death is something you absolutely, irrefutably and involuntarily must accept. Texts I’ve exchanged with Terry over the last couple weeks, mostly in regards to Steve, assure me of that. One simply cannot objectify ones’ own pain and grief at another’s passing, even if they didn’t know the person half as well than another. Every person’s heart beats emotionally different.

Terry, again as we’ve noticed, has been absent from the site for a while, mostly stemming over the fall out over Rob’s death (which I won’t go into). Trying to deal with his own personal demons, not all of which were of his making, Terry stumbled and succumbed further and further into depression. Being with and talking him through most of this the last couple years or so, I’ve seen the rollercoaster of apathy, sadness, glee and contentment he’s gone through.
And then Steve happened.

Terry and I would talk frequently of Steve, his climbing ethic and how Terry could use and integrate that into his own being, which, I believe he did. Steve and I had some lengthy conversations about Terry. The course he was on, how to correct it and how to help without being an enabler (a tricky and ethically hard thing to do). And as I’ve recently found out (on Saturday), Steve would likewise talk with Nona & Terry about myself. I can’t think of a single more damaging condition then depression…we all suffered from it. I’m fortunate in that, I’ve finally found someone reliable, confident and strong enough to stand by my side and help me when I need it.
…………………………………………………………………
I’ve been so f***ing pissed off, empty, irritable, ungodly depressed and directionless lately, I have no idea who to be pissed off at, what to do or where to go (Just yesterday, at Trinity Brewing in Colorado Springs, the waiter brought out sateen buffalo wings to Sarah and I. I looked at it and literally said, “What the fu*k are these?” and not kindly.) But if there’s one thing I won’t do…is blame Terry. What he did, under the weight he was suffering from, I completely understand. Suicide really does seem more reasonable, logical and less stigmatizing than having to deal with the pain (again, there’s a lot more to this I’m not at liberty to say).
Terry’s love of the 14ers, the mountains and helping others was intrinsic. Knowing Steve only helped to elevate that love to spiritual and philosophic levels. We (collectively) were Terry’s family. Trust me on this. And as a brother, I WILL be crying for this lost soul for years to come knowing now, that Steve was 100% right when, only a few months ago when I was at bottom, he told me “Kiefer, in my experience, climbers are an eclectic bunch. We don’t do well with relationships. A lot of us are lone wolves; a lot of us have problems. We’re really messed up! (He laughed ) But this is why we go climbing. So we can be at peace.” –paraphrased

It was a pleasure meeting you Louis (father) and Tom (older brother). Terry’s organs and tissue will be, as Britt stated, be donated and help or save close to 70 people. Seeing Terry in the ICU, answering the barrage of donor questions alongside Jerry (jam6880) and Britt, I would implore you, if you haven’t already, become an organ donor. And put aside your differences with others, apologize and if need be, take the high road for past transgressions. Hatred, apathy and criticism are cancers that only serve to alienate. Because ‘this web we weave’ connects all of us in ways we’ll never understand until something like this happens
…then it’s too late.

RIP Terry.

*There will be a memorial. It's in the works of having the details hashed out. And props to Louis for taking in Terry's cats.

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Summit of La Plata

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SW Ridge of Little Bear

[Mountainspirit]

Well said Kiefer. I never met Terry in person, but had several exchanges with him here on the forum. He was always positive, supportive, and incredibly kind. While he will be deeply missed among this community, my most heartfelt sympathies extend to all who knew him and love him.

"We see your smile in each new morning sun,

Your laughter flows from the rushing stream,

The sound of your footsteps follows us
On a mountain path in the rustling of the leaves,

In the quiet of softly falling snow, we are warmed
by happy memories of you.

Memories are forever."

Rest in peace Terry