Peak(s):  Quandary Peak  -  14,265 feet
Date Posted:  08/06/2013
Date Climbed:   08/04/2013
Author:  choinque

 An Uglydoll Quandary  

The Kidnapping | 3 Aug 2013

Saturday 3 Aug 2013 | a day which will live in infamy! The reputable “Fourteens” reports a Quandary Peak kidnapping!

Minimum Wage, one of our favorite Uglydolls, is missing. Rumors suggest a local, notorious cabal has taken Minimum Wage, possibly into the mountains near Breckenridge…


The Evil Dr. Malfoy M. Marmot | | The Quandary Brothers Mountain Goat Clan

Recently sighted Dr. Aspen – seen here near Summit lake this summer – must be considered a prime suspect. Local natives remember the promising Denver genetic researcher (and avid Broncos fan), who mysteriously disappeared just before his company’s IPO. Several of his closest associates believe that Dr. Aspen, often impulsive and not willing to wait for FDA approval of his radical and unproven genetic repair techniques, accidentally turned himself into a angry and revengeful marmot. Locals have since referred to him as the Evil Dr. Malfoy M. Marmot, in a twisted tribute to the Harry Potter character. Dr. Marmot has since been befriended by the disreputable Quandary Brothers Mountain Goat Clan, leading to unproven claims the group knocks one person a year off Longs Peak…


Plea for Rescue | Uglydoll Radio

Unknown to his kidnappers, Minimum wage carries a secret Uglyradio, and in the early Sunday morning hours (4 Aug) signals his larger buddy Wage miles away in Pine. Image

Receiving an emergency page and message, Wage is able to trace the source of Minimum Wage’s message to the summit of Quandary Peak! Image

Taking Action | 4 Aug 2013

Wage secures supplies and a rescue vehicle


(with adjustable foot pedals of course!) and races to Quandary Peak Trailhead


He arrives early, about 6.30 am, but there are many human climbers in the parking lot already.

The Climb

Dogs are everywhere. Wage, not wishing to be torn to pieces by an otherwise adorable Siberian Husky puppy, furtively dashes from tree to tree.


Wage looks back at the trail below, and surveys the climb ahead.


Rocks easily crossed by towering human climbers, are significant obstacles for our intrepid friend Wage.


An occasional fall


yet Wage is undaunted, and finally after several painstaking hours of climbing, Wage and Minimum Wage are reunited…


Fortunately, the human climbers at the summit are generally drunk and preoccupied


allowing Wage and Minimum Wage a relatively easy escape.

Avoiding The Clan

Wage, in an adrenaline surge , secures Minimum Wage to his back for their furtive descent.


Everything seems perfect, until…

… A scout from The Quandary Brothers Mountain Goat Clan appears on the steep ridgeline above Blue Lakes.


A malicious, sinister stare paralyzes our two friends,


who immediately scramble to bury themselves in heavy rocks, thus avoiding notice and recapture.


Fortunately, human climbers surround The Quandary Goat Clan, proclaiming their fondness for the Goat’s cuteness and utter adorability. The Clan, feeling rather emasculated, stay away from our fair heroes in shame, unbeknownst to the humans, who still insist that the vicious goats are “fluffy”.

Wage and Minimum Wage use this golden opportunity to make their escape down the mountain.


Reaching the Rescue Car

Finally reaching the rescue vehicle, Wage grabs a cold beer


and an Inca Kola for his smaller buddy…


Home Sweet Home

Our friends safely return to Pine, a long and tortuous day behind them.


If you happened to see our intrepid friends escaping Sunday, give them a shout out!

Until next time…

Thumbnails for uploaded photos (click to open slideshow):

 Comments or Questions

This is really cute and funny!
08/07/2013 16:07
”Fortunately, the human climbers at the summit are generally drunk and preoccupied.”

Loved it! Image #10 is my favorite - I think that's what I look like sometimes when I'm climbing.


08/07/2013 16:07
What. The. Fuck.


08/07/2013 17:23
This is funny. You definetely spiced up a fairly uneventful climb.


Simply Brilliant!
08/07/2013 18:14
Keep it up, and don't let uncouth lowlanders discourage you!


Wait a minute
08/07/2013 21:34
Weren't you the miniature killer from CSI: Las Vegas?


Wage better watch out
08/08/2013 05:02
Or the fuzz will nab him for DUI. He'll probably lose his job and won't be able to provide for Mininum Wage.

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