Tales From the Trail

[Scott P]

Surfer Girl is not in the mountains -- Gerry Roach.

That's the only one of his mountain quotes that I never understood.

[boudreaux]

Fletch, a friend and I hiked Antero a few years ago, we were enjoying the summit when another guy came up while we were relaxing in the sun. We talked with him for a minute when the conversation took a bizarre turn and he asks Fletch about Match.com? We all looked at each other with that "What the Hell" look! Oh yeah, that's what I thought he said, and we're going, wwhhaaaat? Don't remember what he was wanting to know but I think it had something to do with joining the 14er club summit club? I bet it was the same guy that someone else mentioned earlier! We just referred to him after that as Luigi! That was the strangest guy I ever met on a summit. I still refer to strange people in the hills as Luigi! Colorado does attract some weird characters!

Once when I did Quandary, I was coming down the slopes near the Cristo Couloir when I noticed about a half dozen goats on top of my car doing the jig! I'm more than a thousand feet above, but I'm screaming for those @#$$%& goats to get off my car. They love the salt and were giving my car a wash. The roof was caved in but I was able to punch it out, had nice hoof prints on the hood and trunk. I wish I had been able to get a picture and was crawling slowly up the dam to try and surprise them, but they were long gone! True story!

[hop2it]

This isn't a story of mine....but my friend Bill (who I know from WV, but has since moved to CO with his family and is a member on this site).....went rock climbing in WV. He was waiting on his friends to join him, when he was bitten by either a rattlesnake or a copperhead and had to hike back out...got to his car to head to the hospital. Then he got a flat tire and had to change the tire himself and then drove himself to the ER! Obviously he ended up being okay, but can you imagine what crappy luck!?!

[OldTrad]

Thought I'd add to this thread for my 1st post to 14ers.com. My 20 year old daughter got me back into hiking last summer after largely having fallen away from mountain activities while she and her sister grew up. So she and I worked our way through several of the easier 14ers and now I'm itching to get back out again ASAP. Prior to having our kids, I had spent over 25 years as a "trad" rock climber in CA, NY, and CO so most of my own tales have to do with those experiences - I hope you 14er vets don't mind.

I had moved to New York from Boulder (!) in 1983 and was going to "The Gunks" in the Catskill mountains whenever weather allowed. I was leading a pretty hard route on The Yellow Wall, a difficult crag in "The Trapps". My partner and I were a pitch or so up and I was leading, probably 15 or 20 feet above my last piece of gear when I came face-to-face with a wasp nest, complete with live wasps! Anyone who has climbed much on the east coast is well aware of the extreme prominence of insect life - in fact the only place I've ever experienced insect life more menacing than the mosquitoes on the way to Willow Lake was back east, but my scope is arguably limited and I digress...

With my heart in my throat and facing a possible 30 or 40 foot plunge I froze and considered my options. I think the nest was about 8 or 10 inches across - pretty good sized. Down-climbing was not possible due to the difficulty of getting up to the place where I was situated. So I'm hanging there surging with adrenaline, knowing that a single sting would likely cause me to yell, panic, get stung again, and eventually take that long fall regardless. The only question was how many times was I going to get stung?

The wasps were crawling around on their nest, literally right in front of my face and a few were hovering around, but it must have been early enough in the morning that they had not really warmed up yet so were somewhat sluggish and perhaps even still unaware of the potential threat I posed. An interesting thing about adrenaline is how it affects your perception of time - as I write this my memory tells me my assessment lasted for minutes, while in reality it was probably more like 15 seconds. Who knows? Anyway, I held my breath and saw a couple of holds leading off to one side of the nest and thought, maybe I can climb my way out of this. So slowly, ever-so-slowly I reached over and grabbed the first hold - I'm sure I was still holding my breath. So far so good. One foot over, shift my weight and still good. I assessed again and slowly eased onto the next set of holds and so on. OMG I was going to dodge this bullet and in a few more minutes was maybe 6 or 8 feet away and clear!

[Rollie Free]

Non 14er, non mountain but I swear to God it happened.

Late 90s, the trail to Druid Arch in Canyon lands NP. My two brothers and I were extremely dehydrated, our feet were molten lumps, we were barely human. Out all day and the searing heat had pretty much taken all we had. Don't think we saw another soul all day.

After a million miles of desert hiking we turn the corner to where we'd parked and this beautiful woman is there with a large, carefully arranged tray of cut watermelon . And I don't mean attractive, I mean she was bee-utiful. This guy in a cowboy hat is standing next to her with eyebrows raised and a knowing look. She says "would you boys like some watermelon".
I am not at all certain what we said but I am sure it was inaudible nonsense due to our swelled tongues and frail minds. The temptation was to smash our face into that tray and swirl it around.

We still talk about that once in a while. Did it happen? Was it a corporate illusion? We're they angels? Did people really drive all the way out there with trays of fresh fruit just to get a reaction out of spent hikers? I voted angels.

[rijaca]

Non 14er, non mountain but I swear to God it happened.

Late 90s, the trail to Druid Arch in Canyon lands NP. My two brothers and I were extremely dehydrated, our feet were molten lumps, we were barely human. Out all day and the searing heat had pretty much taken all we had. Don't think we saw another soul all day.

After a million miles of desert hiking we turn the corner to where we'd parked and this beautiful woman is there with a large, carefully arranged tray of cut watermelon . And I don't mean attractive, I mean she was bee-utiful. This guy in a cowboy hat is standing next to her with eyebrows raised and a knowing look. She says "would you boys like some watermelon".
I am not at all certain what we said but I am sure it was inaudible nonsense due to our swelled tongues and frail minds. The temptation was to smash our face into that tray and swirl it around.

We still talk about that once in a while. Did it happen? Was it a corporate illusion? We're they angels? Did people really drive all the way out there with trays of fresh fruit just to get a reaction out of spent hikers? I voted angels.

That's almost unbelievable, except that I had a similar experience at a Grateful Dead concert in Ventura, California in 1983.

[14erFred]

Some friends and I climbed Shavano via the standard trail from Blanks Cabin and were hit by a major storm while descending from the South saddle. As lightning bolts bombarded the slopes around us, we raced down the final switchbacks toward timberline, where we encountered a pair of young kids in shorts and tennis shoes wearing trash bags as ponchos and roped together at the waist by a thin, 6-foot-long cord made of clothesline. They stopped only long enough to ask us if this was the trail to the top of Shavano, before continuing upward. Has anyone discovered two small human skeletons tied together on the east slopes of Shavano?

[JROSKA]

I had a similar experience to 14er Fred in my very first year of hiking 14ers.

July 27, 2010. On just my 2nd hike, I had started very late and summited Quandary in rapidly darkening skies. Storms held off just long enough for me to get back to tree-line, at which point, the skies opened up into a torrential downpour with one lightning bolt after another. Drenched and wishing I'd reach the car soon, the rain and lightning let up, and I encountered a man hiking solo. He was wearing blue jean shorts and a white t-shirt. No backpack. He was carrying a wooden makeshift pole in one hand, a 6-pack of beer in the other. Soaking wet himself, he asked me what I thought of the weather and if I thought he could make it to the top. By then it was probably 3:30 and despite the lighter rain, the skies were still very dark. All I said was "I'm kind of new to this, but there's an awful lot of lightning in the area, I wouldn't go too much higher". He didn't listen. He said, "Well, I'm here from California, all I have is today & tomorrow, so I'll give 'er a try and see how far I can get today".

I'm guessing he didn't get real far because not long after that the downpour and lightning started anew, and did not let up until I was in the car and well on my way back toward I-70.

[wildsidesky]

I'm a little bitter about this one.

Back in the summer of 2014 I was still very new to 14ers and was going for my ~5th/6th on Grays and Torreys. By that time, I was sensible enough to know to get an early start, bring plenty of water, know your route beforehand, etc. My cousin was tagging along for the adventure and we planned on doing the standard route (I was not yet comfortable with anything above class 2).

Earlier that summer, a good friend of mine was in a group that got stuck on the Kelso Ridge route. They were barely able to escape without needing to call search and rescue. The group was definitely not prepared for the class 3 route. So, I was aware of the Kelso Ridge route, but planned to do the standard route.

My cousin and I reached the turnoff for the Kelso Ridge, and I recognized it because I remembered seeing the mine shack at the saddle above. We stopped for some water. While stopped, a group of four or five young girls reach the turnoff where we were sitting. These girls were probably all about 16 years old. They were wearing skimpy booty shorts, tennis shoes, and draw-string backpacks. Like, the flimsy crappy free ones you get when you tour a college campus.

The girls noticed that there was the side-trail that went up towards Kelso and that it was reasonably less crowded than the standard route. I heard one of them say, "Look up that way! We should go there, there's like no one over there!" Now, I'm a bit introverted and usually don't talk to strangers, but I could tell they were about to make a mistake that could cost them their safety, their lives, or the safety and lives of search and rescue.

So I said, "Hey, I don't want to seem rude or anything, but that trail goes to a bit of a technical route and it doesn't look like you all are prepared for that endeavor." Notice, I was just trying to help. I was a novice trying to help a group of clearly more novice individuals than I. I was also trying to be friendly.

One of the young girls looks at me in a real snarky way and says loudly, "WE DON'T NEED HELP FROM YOU."

In retrospect, I probably should have continued to try to talk them out of it, but at the time I felt I had done all I could and just said, "alright then, have fun." I get peeved just typing this story out! hah!

[Rainier_Wolfcastle]

If you've hiked with me, you have probably already heard this story...(this story covers both the interesting tale and lessons learned subjects)

First Sat of June 2013, I make plans to climb Thunder Pyramid with Britt and B Thomas. This will be my second attempt (first one was snowed out just below treeline). We climb the White Gully all the way to ridge where there is a saddle. From the looks of things, the higher point is to the North, and one of their GPS' supports that. So that is the way we will go. Within 5 minutes, B Thomas is like...this is nuts...I'm turning back. "But we are so close!" So Britt and I keep going. It gets harder and harder, I'm spying bailouts (and lots of cliffs into the abyss). "Well, we must just be off track...we'll find the right way when we summit". Eventually we summit. We share a high five. Then we both look South and see the Finns, Bergsteigen, and Valerie (I think) on a point that looks a little higher than us, on the other side of the saddle we started from...."F%$&#@" (that was me, Britt would never talk that way). I guess there is no easier way! Those on the proper summit looked concerned...probably debating which one of them will be calling SAR. Britt and I say a little prayer. I debate retiring from the game. We piece our way back out...even using 30 ft of webbing at one point for a makeshift belay (thanks Britt!). I am proud of how calm we were, because inside we both later admitted to be a mess. We face in downclimb a gully two to the North of the White Gully...one of those axe/kick/kick/axe...repeat for 90 straight minute type deals. We rejoin the regular route, get back to safety, and here comes Bergsteigen skiing down, smiling ear-to-ear. I tried to talk...but I'm pretty sure what came out weren't words. Back in the parking lot around 7pm we had a concerned note from the Pitkin County Sheriff, along with concerned voicemails.

BTW, I had three printed out pages from USAKeller's Trip report, one of those pages clearly showed we should have gone right, I never took it out of my pack....I'm an idiot...seriously it was like a pic with a big arrow pointing right...we went left!!!

For two days, I'm done. Third day, just give it some time. Fifth day, can I find a partner for this Saturday? Friday, no partner, I must redeem myself! I sleep 2 hours, drive 3:45 hours. Start at 2:30. I am sleep deprived, I'm hearing things in the woods, I see every eyeshine...sure they are all bear and mountain lion (they are always deer). Crampons go on just as daylight hits South Maroon's summit behind me. I take a right fork when nearing the top of the White Gully. But I turn up too early, taking a direct finger towards the summit (I think I gave myself the middle finger!). I climb a loose 5.0 chimney...I'm pissed and stupid..no way I could have down-climbed this! After 75-100 feet of rock climbing, my head pops out and I see a summit register 10 feet in front of me! Elation!!!!! "I love climbing, this is awesome!". After some relaxation and talking myself out of a suicide mission to "Lightening Pyramid" across many a cornice, I decide to try to descend back to that fateful saddle. With a few tight ledges and a short drop to a wide ledge, it went. Just after I reach the saddle, two guys arrive from below. They are harnassed, 60 meter rope, light rack. They ask me if I am alone..."yup"...they proceed to give me a lecture regarding how climbing solo on Thunder Pyramid is beyond dumb, how serious this mountain is, how lucky I am to be alive, etc. etc. I just sit there and take it...while eating an apple. Then tying in and setting up a belay, one of them starts leading up the ridge to the North...I ask..."are guys climbing Thunder Pyramid?" "A...yeah!". "Okay, ummm, you are going the wrong way, its actually behind me." "What?"

[seano]

[These girls] were wearing skimpy booty shorts, tennis shoes, and draw-string backpacks...

Now, I'm a bit introverted and usually don't talk to strangers, but I could tell they were about to make a mistake that could cost them their safety, their lives, or the safety and lives of search and rescue.

So I said, "Hey, I don't want to seem rude or anything, but that trail goes to a bit of a technical route and it doesn't look like you all are prepared for that endeavor."

I'm no player, but I know enough to be pretty sure you played that wrong.

More seriously, I try not to judge people in the mountains, or tell them what to do. Plenty of 16-year-old girls these days climb way harder than I ever have or ever will, and sometimes you'll find a surfer-dude topping out a 5.7 in "inappropriate" footwear:

I would just say "Oh, that route's less crowded because it's way harder than the standard route," and let them decide what to do.

[TallGrass]

sometimes you'll find a surfer-dude topping out a 5.7 in "inappropriate" footwear: http://images.summitpost.org/original/220886.jpg

That's an '11-year-old" named "Reardon"? http://www.summitpost.org/in-memory-of/200156/p2 Cool pic though.