Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

FAQ and threads for those just starting to hike the Colorado 14ers.
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pvnisher
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by pvnisher » Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:18 pm

Sure bro, those Tevas, no socks, will be fine.

No, those aren't rain clouds.

The summit is warmer than the base because of all the solar radiation. Just wear a tank top, no jacket. You'll be fine. And sun screen will just make you cold. By the time you get to the top you'll be so warm you'll be red and toasty.
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Cygnus X1
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Cygnus X1 » Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:45 pm

If you're female, drive a green Subaru.
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Rollie Free
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Rollie Free » Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:48 pm

shelly+ wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 11:57 am
Be sure to claim that you're the "first".
I read on here not to long ago a guy reporting he thinks his climb to the top of an obscure mountain was a first.
They said they saw no signs anyone had been there. I cant imagine there being any signs lasting anymore than a few days. To claim it to be a first is mere fantasy.
Reluctant enthusiast....a part-time crusader, a half-hearted fanatic.
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d_baker
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by d_baker » Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:53 pm

Cygnus X1 wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 6:45 pm
If you're female, drive a green Subaru.
=D> :lol:
And call a 'medic' as quickly as you can!
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shelly+
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by shelly+ » Sat Mar 27, 2021 7:36 pm

be rescued from Belford.
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Matt
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Matt » Sat Mar 27, 2021 7:42 pm

If you do end up lost and needing rescue, be sure to post multiple times daily to make fun of anyone stupid enough to admit a mistake on a hike.
No one will admit it here on the forum, but if you hit golf balls off the summit with a 1 wood, you'll have earned the respect of the most seasoned mountaineers.
Drive a Jeep Liberty. No one will call you a pole smoker.
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A man is rich in proportion to the number of things he can afford to let alone. -HDT
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HikesInGeologicTime
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by HikesInGeologicTime » Sat Mar 27, 2021 7:43 pm

Don't even think about attempting a Class 3 route unless you can climb a 5.15 unroped in the gym!

Not to say you shouldn't climb peaks in the winter, but you need to read that Jack London story, "To Build a Fire," and take its lessons to heart. Colorado peaks are SO cold and snowy and remote that if you're not prepared to deal with the potential consequences of an Alaskan winter, you're clearly not ready for a winter fourteener!!!!
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by dr_j » Sat Mar 27, 2021 9:35 pm

Reminds me of one of my friends, a mild mannered Midwestern fellow, who was on his way up some peak in the Sierra, and encountered an out-of-breath hiker.

Hiker: Do you know where the halfway point is?

Friend: The summit.
ltlFish99
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by ltlFish99 » Sat Mar 27, 2021 10:31 pm

Alpinefroggy wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:21 pm
Always bring a double rack of trad climbing gear, runners for at least 20 rappels and as long a rope as you can carry.

Never know when you're going to need to protect a class 3 outcropping of rocks thats blocking your class 2 trail.
And do not ever forget the #4 camalots and several ice screws for protecting the hourglass after any unexpected freeze of the constant stream of water than runs down it.
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Alpinefroggy
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Alpinefroggy » Sat Mar 27, 2021 11:00 pm

ltlFish99 wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 10:31 pm
Alpinefroggy wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:21 pm
Always bring a double rack of trad climbing gear, runners for at least 20 rappels and as long a rope as you can carry.

Never know when you're going to need to protect a class 3 outcropping of rocks thats blocking your class 2 trail.
And do not ever forget the #4 camalots and several ice screws for protecting the hourglass after any unexpected freeze of the constant stream of water than runs down it.

I agree,

I think you need that on the way up but I think bringing your kayak into the gully is also prudent. You can white water kayak down that stream. Avoids the bad ropes and the bad potential anchor at the top of the hourglass.

Also does it quick so you avoid the rockfall.
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Alpinefroggy
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Alpinefroggy » Sat Mar 27, 2021 11:01 pm

HikesInGeologicTime wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 7:43 pm
Don't even think about attempting a Class 3 route unless you can climb a 5.15 unroped in the gym!

Not to say you shouldn't climb peaks in the winter, but you need to read that Jack London story, "To Build a Fire," and take its lessons to heart. Colorado peaks are SO cold and snowy and remote that if you're not prepared to deal with the potential consequences of an Alaskan winter, you're clearly not ready for a winter fourteener!!!!
That’s not good enough training. You need to be able to do a 5.15 with two pinky fingers. Otherwise you’re not strong enough for quandary.
pvnisher
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by pvnisher » Sun Mar 28, 2021 4:52 am

You mean "Mount Quandary Peak"
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