Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

FAQ and threads for those just starting to hike the Colorado 14ers.
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jaymz
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by jaymz » Sat Mar 27, 2021 8:04 am

Make sure to bring a sharpie with you - there's usually a great boulder somewhere at the top that would be perfect for memorializing your badassery for all future mountaineers to bow before when they, too, scale the summit of Grays.
"'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.' - Wayne Gretzky" - Michael Scott
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Gueza
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Gueza » Sat Mar 27, 2021 8:49 am

jaymz wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 8:04 am
Make sure to bring a sharpie with you - there's usually a great boulder somewhere at the top that would be perfect for memorializing your badassery for all future mountaineers to bow before when they, too, scale the summit of Grays.
Don’t forget to post it on social media too.

Some other pro tips:

Remember to scout the sun with binoculars to determine what SPF sunscreen you will need for the day.

Forgot TP? Don’t worry, there’s usually some in those black tube things on the summit.

Having trouble with your water freezing? Add ethanol to decrease it’s freezing point.

Never pass up an opportunity to let others know that you are the best climber on the mountain.

(Results may vary)
Good luck breeds bad habits. Good habits save lives!
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shelly+
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by shelly+ » Sat Mar 27, 2021 11:57 am

Be sure to claim that you're the "first".
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justiner
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by justiner » Sat Mar 27, 2021 12:58 pm

Spend 1,000x more on the new car you're going to drive to the trailhead than the new gear you'll have with you to the summit. And also have terribly deep opinions on the best of both.
Last edited by justiner on Sat Mar 27, 2021 1:18 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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CaptCO
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by CaptCO » Sat Mar 27, 2021 1:06 pm

justiner wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 12:58 pm
Spend 1,000x on the new car you're going to drive to the trailhead than the new gear you'll have with you to the summit. And also have terribly deep opinions on the best of both.
Hehe
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jaymz
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by jaymz » Sat Mar 27, 2021 1:23 pm

If you dominate Quandary on a Saturday in August, make sure you give us a trip report so we know what to expect.

Also, make it brief - a couple of sentences at most, no pictures. Pretty much exactly like a conditions report, but in the trip reports section.
"'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.' - Wayne Gretzky" - Michael Scott
"If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North." - Abraham Lincoln
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RobbS
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by RobbS » Sat Mar 27, 2021 2:00 pm

Marmots are your friends. It's best if there a few of these friends around when you stop for a snack. Marmots can also be entrusted with some or all of your gear if you don't feel like carrying it to the summit.
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by nyker » Sat Mar 27, 2021 2:38 pm

You must carry all your water/fluids, never refill from any streams or ponds. Carry minimum 10-12L for each peak you do.
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by nyker » Sat Mar 27, 2021 2:38 pm

shelly+ wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 11:57 am
Be sure to claim that you're the "first".
and doing it solo
myfeetrock
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by myfeetrock » Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:04 pm

While you're out enjoying nature, be sure to "give it back". While hiking Quandary, peeing on the trail will help you relax while emptying your bladder, and you're helping the goats by supplying much needed sodium. This also benefits those hikers that want wildlife photos, but don't want to stray far from the trail.
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by greenonion » Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:19 pm

nyker wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 2:38 pm
shelly+ wrote:
Sat Mar 27, 2021 11:57 am
Be sure to claim that you're the "first".
and doing it solo
But with mountain goats. Gotta have goats!
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Alpinefroggy
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Alpinefroggy » Sat Mar 27, 2021 4:21 pm

Always bring a double rack of trad climbing gear, runners for at least 20 rappels and as long a rope as you can carry.

Never know when you're going to need to protect a class 3 outcropping of rocks thats blocking your class 2 trail.
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