Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

FAQ and threads for those just starting to hike the Colorado 14ers.
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cedica
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by cedica » Sun Mar 28, 2021 8:56 am

Never mention particular gully north of Castle on the forum, it brings bad luck.
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dubsho3000
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by dubsho3000 » Sun Mar 28, 2021 9:15 am

Don't pick up after your dog because other dogs eat their poop and it saves those other dogs' caregivers money. By the same logic, never dig a cat-hole for your poop. If you do bag your dog's poop, make sure to leave it in the middle of the trail or tied to a willow branch so you don't forget to pick it up on the way out. (Pro tip: someone else will probably take it for you!!!)

Bring your cat! It will be unique and ironic and the cat will LOVE it.

Also, pick the flowers and punt the marmots.
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greenonion
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by greenonion » Sun Mar 28, 2021 10:01 am

Imply, or go ahead and outright claim, that you are a big bad wolf preying on sheep while simultaneously admitting you are in depression and recovering from bunnyslopeitis.
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Dan_Suitor
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Dan_Suitor » Tue Mar 30, 2021 1:45 pm

If you climb a 14er, you will be unique and special.
Cairns will never mislead you, and it’s pronounced “Karen's”.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Century Bound, eventually.
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Salient
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Salient » Tue Mar 30, 2021 1:46 pm

greenonion wrote:
Sun Mar 28, 2021 10:01 am
Imply, or go ahead and outright claim, that you are a big bad wolf preying on sheep while simultaneously admitting you are in depression and recovering from bunnyslopeitis.
This sounds oddly specific
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AnnaG22
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by AnnaG22 » Tue Mar 30, 2021 3:51 pm

Salient wrote:
Tue Mar 30, 2021 1:46 pm
greenonion wrote:
Sun Mar 28, 2021 10:01 am
Imply, or go ahead and outright claim, that you are a big bad wolf preying on sheep while simultaneously admitting you are in depression and recovering from bunnyslopeitis.
This sounds oddly specific
Aye aye, Captain
"The love of wilderness is more than a hunger for what is always beyond reach; it is also an expression of loyalty to the earth, the earth which bore us and sustains us, the only home we shall ever know, the only paradise we ever need – if only we had the eyes to see." -Ed Abbey

"I get scared sometimes—lots of times—but it's not bad. You know? I feel close to myself. When I'm out there at night, I feel close to my own body, I can feel my blood moving, my skin and my fingernails, everything, it's like I'm full of electricity and I'm glowing in the dark—I'm on fire almost—I'm burning away into nothing—but it doesn't matter because I know exactly who I am." from The Things They Carried
Midwestlungs
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Midwestlungs » Tue Mar 30, 2021 4:37 pm

Make sure to strike up a conversation with everyone who passes you
Selinwine
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Selinwine » Mon Apr 05, 2021 9:27 am

Now I know more. Thank you for sharing haha
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PaulVee
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by PaulVee » Fri Apr 09, 2021 11:39 am

Don't flash the entire world from the summit, it might distract other hikers
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bergsteigen
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by bergsteigen » Fri Apr 09, 2021 12:17 pm

Never, ever go on a trip without getting the most up to the second beta on every aspect of the day. Under absolutely no circumstances should you “be the beta” because having an adventure should be avoided at all costs! The worst would be having to go to plan B or C.
"Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports ... all others are games." - Ernest Hemingway (or was it Barnaby Conrad?)
Your knees only get so many bumps in life, don't waste them on moguls!
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Sbenfield
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by Sbenfield » Fri Apr 09, 2021 12:28 pm

Always hike with at least 10 others and carry a gun in the event you see a wild animal
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jaymz
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Re: Sarcastic Tips for Newbies

Post by jaymz » Fri Apr 09, 2021 2:01 pm

Spend $150-$200 on the burliest hiking boots you can find. It is the Rockies, after all.
"...as if you could kill time without injuring eternity."
- Thoreau, Walden
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