Signs that you aren't a world class climber

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Scott P
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Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby Scott P » Thu May 30, 2013 1:39 pm

Someone else sent them, but I added a few and made some modifications. :-D

You climbed 5.8 your first day climbing, and 8 years later a 5.4 lead still scares the bejeezus out of you.

You're mad that 5.2 doesn't have the a/b/c/d modifiers for better delineating the subtleties of this tricky grade.

You know every pitch and every move of the Diamond, but the most you've ever done is scramble halfway up the 3rd class Keyhole, got scared, and climbed back down.

The exposure in your local gym terrifies you.

The only thought you have before a next climb is "How am I gonna get Brian C to lead all the pitches?"

You fall off the front steps of your house.

You freeze at the crux and the little kids yell at you to "Stop hogging the sliding board".

People ask if you're a park ranger.

The best finger jam you've had was when you slammed your hand in the car door.

You've had to be rescued off a top-rope.

Your partner regularly hauls you up on a Z-pully.

Favorite call to your belayer: "Tension!"

You decide a route is rated 5.2 A0.

You can't cross the talus field without a belay.

Your team uses you to "test" for avalanche stability.

You've chopped the rope with your axe while ice climbing.

Your best skill is meat anchor.

If you find yourself repeatedly yelling "FALLING!!"...........on the approach.

You clip the lead quickdraws at the gym while on toprope and get stuck.

Your leg is still recovering from being impaled with your ice axe while practicing "self arrest" on the bunny slope.

You think "Hypothermia" and "Frostbite" are the up and coming rock groups.

You think that Colorado only has 53, 54, or 58 mountains.

You bash Mt. Everest climbers while claiming that the 14ers are difficult.

You misunderstand the meaning of "deadman anchor".

You enjoy this joke:

What does Speedy Gonzales say when he hears the person on the climb say they are on rope?

On belay! on belay!
I'm slow and fat. Unfortunately, those are my good qualities.
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Lemmiwinks
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby Lemmiwinks » Thu May 30, 2013 1:59 pm

What are you talking about??? The Keyhole puts Everest to shame.

(This reminds me of a great thread titled something like "You know you're a hiker/climber when". I searched but couldn't seem to find it.)
“If you're bumming out, you're not gonna get to the top, so as long as we're up here we might as well make a point of grooving." -Scott Fischer
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jeremy27
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby jeremy27 » Thu May 30, 2013 2:07 pm

Lemmiwinks wrote:(This reminds me of a great thread titled something like "You know you're a hiker/climber when". I searched but couldn't seem to find it.)


This:
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=33592

Good stuff. One vote for hall of fame.
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Steve Climber
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby Steve Climber » Thu May 30, 2013 2:55 pm

Scott P wrote:The only thought you have before a next climb is "How am I gonna get Brian C to lead all the pitches?"


Damn! and here I thought I might be good to go as a world class climber.

This list is fantastic. I actually snorted at the "clip draws on top rope in gym and get stuck"
Dave B wrote:And/or line thy helmet with tin foil and realize this is a freaking mountaineering website.


Steve Climber wrote:So that's your backpack, huh?
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James Dziezynski
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby James Dziezynski » Thu May 30, 2013 3:14 pm

One of my favs: "You ask for a belay when ascending the ladder to clean out the gutters"
Check out my book Best Summit Hikes in Colorado at http://amzn.to/WKkWOH
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby TallGrass » Thu May 30, 2013 3:41 pm

* You ask the guy at REI if they have any harnesses for a 58" waist.

* You need suspenders to keep your harness up. (see above)

* You get winded pulling the gear bag out of the trunk (or break a sweat).

* You like to sleep on summits, but only the ranked/named ones.
Not sure if I'll do more 14ers. The trip reports are too tiring. :wink:
"A few hours' mountain climbing make of a rogue and a saint two fairly equal creatures.
Tiredness is the shortest path to equality and fraternity - and sleep finally adds to them liberty."
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susanjoypaul
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby susanjoypaul » Thu May 30, 2013 3:46 pm

jeremy27 wrote:
Lemmiwinks wrote:(This reminds me of a great thread titled something like "You know you're a hiker/climber when". I searched but couldn't seem to find it.)


This:
viewtopic.php?f=1&t=33592

Good stuff. One vote for hall of fame.

Funny stuff on both threads... so I resurrected the other one :-D
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I Man
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby I Man » Thu May 30, 2013 4:05 pm

Well done. This is great.
Getting Brian C to lead is easy :-D just ask him nicely!
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larkinrx2
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby larkinrx2 » Thu May 30, 2013 5:03 pm

TallGrass wrote:* You ask the guy at REI if they have any harnesses for a 58" waist.


seriously, were does one find one? hard to get into climbing when the gear dont fit
What do you think I'm some kind of a jerk or something! - That's all I need the ashtray, the remote control, the paddle game, and this magazine, and the chair and I don't need one other thing, except my dog.
[Shithead growls at him]
I don't need my dog.
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bonehead
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby bonehead » Fri May 31, 2013 7:50 am

larkinrx2 wrote:when the gear dont fit

Go Free Solo
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ajkagy
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby ajkagy » Fri May 31, 2013 7:55 am

Signs that you aren't a world class climber...trolling 14ers.com all day 8)
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boudreaux
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Re: Signs that you aren't a world class climber

Postby boudreaux » Fri May 31, 2013 7:58 am

All the above are me to a T! :lol:

I regularly trip on cracks in the sidewalk
Ragin Cajun

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