Brazilian Wandering Spider Erection
“In the rare case an erection lasts longer than four hours, seek immediate medical attention.”
This warning flashes in your head as you wince in pain. You are currently experiencing an erection of phenomenal proportions; but there are no women around. The warnings from the Levitra and Cialis commercials flash in your head like a strobe light. But you don’t even use these pills, your boner works fine all by its self. You let out an unavoidable groan; your penis feels like a full diet coke bottle spiked with a handful of Mentos.
This is not a normal erection. Not one of those moderate morning woods that you can manipulate by standing on your toes and aiming down to release your morning pee. You can’t even periscope this thing and disguise it by pinning it to your stomach with the waist band of your pants. You begin to panic realizing you have a serious problem on…well, in your hands.
The room becomes blurry and you notice that you’re now sweating like a Hebrew slave. Momentarily distracting you from your excruciating erection you realize you’ve managed to sweat through your jeans in a matter of minutes. You hope it’s sweat….not blood. Ripping off your jeans you expose what looks like an overcooked Ballpark hotdog at the point just before it splits. The skin on your unprovoked boner is so taunt that you can see fissures where it is already beginning to tear. Just when you think things couldn’t get any worse, you projectile vomit into your own naked lap.
This horrible situation is not caused by a Viagra overdose; it’s caused by something much more terrifying. Phoneutria Nigriventer, the Brazilian Wandering Spider.
I was wondering if it was really true, but check it out: